Another UFO sighting.
Here's the rest of the play enjoy. :)
ELLEN brings the beer to Bart and holds up. When she sees Cornell.
ELLEN
Here you go. Daisy the Desert Rose will be up in a minute...Oh Boy! Here we go again.
BART
Does this guy have a job?
ELLEN
He comes into my bar every week spouting off his latest UFO theory, quoteing shakespheare. And working on his spectalizer. And all he ever orders is a coke with a shot of cherry in it.
BART
That drink calls for an ass whooping.
As Bart starts to get up. Daisy pulls him to the table.
DAISY
You’ll do no such thing Bart James Reynolds, now take a look at this.
Daisy hands him a photograph. Bart looks at it for a second.
BART
They look like some street lights.
CORNELL
These are no street lights, they are the lights of UFO seen by me, my sister and my cousin. On the Texas Pan Handle in August of 1982.
DAISY
Really?
BART
Does this guy have a day job?
ELLEN
He’s a college professor. Cornell, do you have anything new this week?
CORNELL
Thanks for reminding me. Can you two help me out.My spectalizer is not working and I need of parts before we can go UFO hunting tonight at....
DAISY
Actually, we can. We got this piece of trash that we are getting rid of very soon. You can have it.
BART
DAISY! I’m not going to give that up.
Daisy just looks at him. He knows he’s not going to win this agrument. But he’s not going down with out a fight.
CORNELL
Good, I’ll take it. Keeping the spectalizer running takes tremoudous resources.
BART
I’m not giving this up!
DAISY
Yes your are.
Cornell starts to search through all of his bags.
BART
What he is doing?
ELLEN
Uh..oh..I think he’s looking for the map.
BART
The map?
ELLEN
Yeah, when the spectalizer isn’t working he studies his map with all of the UFO occurrences in a three hundred mile radius.
CORNELL
There it is! I found it!
He pulls out a giant map and spreads it all over a table.
CORNELL
Daisy, do you and Bart want to come with me tonight and check out the lights that were reported by house springs?
DAISY
We would love to, Bart do you want to?
BART
Umm sure...What’s going on?
DAISY
Were going UFO hunting at house springs.
BART
Hold on, we’re doing what?
DAISY
Going UFO hunting at House Springs.
BART
No were not. You can look for all the UFO’s tonight tell your heart is content. But I’m not going.
DAISY
(Slighty seductively)
Bart.
CORNELL
Thanks for reminding me, there is something I need to check.
Cornell pulls out a suped cell phone with plenty of bells and whistle and proceeds to check his messages.
BART
Daisy, they is no way in hell that I’m going ufo hunting with that wacko.
DAISY
You know for once we could do something I want to. Instead doing what you want to everynight.
BART
What’s wrong with the usual?
DAISY
You mean, while you’ll sit around, drink beer and watch some game. While I do ALL the house work. While your mind is on one thing. Fucking me!
BART
What’s wrong with fucking?
DAISY
Nothing, but you’ll have much better success of getting me in bed if we’d actually did something something exciting for a change.
ELLEN
She does have a point.
CORNELL
Is it not strange that desire should outlive peformance.
ELLEN
(Giving him the look)
You’ll keep twelfth knight out of this.
Cornell goes back to his backpack.
BART
Daisy, we do stuff that you want to do all the time.
DAISY
Yeah like once every blue moon, when we go to my mothers.
CORNELL
The next blue moon will happen in 2048.
BART
Don’t bring up that visit to your mothers again.
DAISY
It was Christmas. You know the day the savior of the world was born. If we didn’t go home we’d be crucified.
BART
It’s my fault for this, It’s my fault for that. Is it ever not my fault?
ELLEN
TIME OUT! I Don’t know what’s worse, Cornell quoteing shakespheare with his half baked theories or a bunch of so called adults acting like bunch of immature second graders.
ELLEN
I don’t care what grade you are. Listen up here’s my deal take it or leave it.
BART
What’s the deal?
ELLEN
Good so you actually listen. Which is something you two need to do a lot more of. Now Bart go ask Cornell about the spectalizer.
BART
Do i have...
ELLEN
Yes.
Bart sulks over to Cornell and hesisites while both Ellen and Daisy give him the evil eye.
BART
Cornell, what does specatalizer do?
CORNELL
I’m so glad you asked. The specatlalizer is on the greatest innventions ever. It has 585 different functions and capilites to detect the presense of aliens.
BART
Uhh okay. What does that mean in english?
CORNELL
It picks all types of radio and tv waves. Including classifed secret goverment broadcasts. But it’s broke right now.
BART
Can it pick up Nascar races?
CORNELL
And much more. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
BART
Really, I might be able to help. What’s wrong with it?
CORNELL
I haven’t been able to get anything to come out of it for a while.
BART
I see what I can do.
Bart and Cornell start to work on the Spectalizer and quickly become engrossed in it.
ELLEN
Works every time. Just get him going on the machine and the nights over.
DAISY
You’ll really like him don’t you?
ELLEN
(Smiles)
Yes I do. But don’t tell anybody else.
DAISY
I promise I won’t.
ELLEN
You two have only been married for about a year? Right?
DAISY
Yeah, how did you know?
ELLEN
Two reasons. I’m a bartender and I am women.
DAISY
Gotcha.
ELLEN
This marriage thing is not everything you thought it would be?
DAISY
Yeah for the six months lately it was great. And now it’s pulling teeth.
ELLEN
When was the last time you had a good talk?
Daisy doesn’t say anything as she tries to remember.
ELLEN
That’s what I thought. How long since you have had a date with him?
DAISY
About eight months.
ELLEN
Way too long.You need to have a date night at least a week. I think I got perfect thing to start you off. I can get you tickets for Chicago for tomorrow night and dinner for both of you at Cornardo’s.
DAISY
You not serious?
ELLEN
Yes I am.
DAISY
Sweet. Do you know how hard it is to get in that place.
ELLEN
I do. The excutive chef owes me big time. And besides this is the least I can do for sending you with Cornell tonight.
DAISY
It won’t be any problem. It’ll be fun.
ELLEN
Well see what you say afterwards. Bart!
No answer, because they are engrossed in the specatlizer.
ELLEN
BART!
Bart looks up and turns to the bar.
ELLEN
Come over here.
Bart puts down his tools and moves towards the bar.
ELLEN
I got a deal for you.
BART
Okay what is it.
ELLEN
I’ll let Daisy explain.
DAISY
What are a plans tomorrow?
BART
Nothing...maybe watching a game.
DAISY
Wrong. We got plans.
BART
What type of plans?
DAISY
Dinner plans. Tomorrow we are going to dinning at Cornardo’s and then we are going see Chicago and have a wail of a time... And oh yeah...we’re going ufo hunting with Cornell tonight.
BART
That’s crazy! How did this happen??
DAISY
(smiles)
I have connections.
BART
There is no way I’m going to hang out with some wacko and then go to some boring play. I don’t care if it’s Hamlet or not.
CORNELL
How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a nuaghty world.
DAISY
Do you want to get laid tonight?
BART
Hell Yeah!
DAISY
Good. You’ll be giving that trash to cornell to help him with his spectalizer.
BART
That piece of art work won’t help the spectalizer. It needs some serious work on it.
DAISY
Good then you can help Cornell with it.
CORNELL
If you are going to get rid of trash. I’ll take it.
They ignore him.
DAISY
Either you give it to him, or that so called piece art will be going in the trash as soon we get home. Or if you don’t like that option you can spend the next couple of nights alone one the couch. Or you can come with your wife and enjoy her company for a couple of nights on the town with nothing holding us back from making passionate love tonight. It’s your choice Bart.
BART
DAISY MARIE BERCHTOLD!
CORNELL
It works!!! It works!!!
BART
What did you do?
CORNELL
The twelfth gear shift ratio lever was out of an alignment. I slammed it back in. Now we head to House springs.
BART
Where’s house springs?
ELLEN
About two hours away.
BART
Your not serious.
DAISY
Yes. This is going to be a night to remember.
BART
In more ways than one.
CORNELL
Tracking UFO’s is a dangerous bussiness. With this baby we have the upper hand on all of those wanta be, second rate, weekend UFO chasers that don’t know how to figure out the differance between swamp gas and street lights.
ELLEN
Cornell are you going somewhere tonight?
CORNELL
To House springs. Are you coming with me tonight Ellen?
ELLEN
No thanks, I’ll have to...I need to do some bookwork tonight. But Dasiy and Bart would love to go with you.
BART
No We’re...
DAISY
Just gathering our stuff so we can come with you tonight. Right Bart?
BART
Yes Dear.
CORNELL
Good, with your help I might actually be able to get undeiable proof that UFO’s exist.
DAISY
What happens if we don’t find anything tonight?
CORNELL
We go out tomorrow. Ellen are you going to come with me tomorrow?
ELLEN
I got to check the schedule in the next couple of days.
CORNELL
Okay, I’ll be back to check in. Bart and Daisy are you coming tomorrow.
BART
We are going to see Chicago tomorrow.
CORNELL
A mighty fine choice. You will not be dissapointed in Chicago. Though it’s not the same as Hamlet. Now it’s settled. Tonight with the spectalizer we will get proof that UFO’s exist!
Cornell starts to make adjustments and pushes some buttons on the spectalizer.
BART
What have you gotten us into?
DAISY
Something very fun tonight.
BART
Daisy...
ELLEN
Bart for the sake of your marriage. Go with her.
BART
It’s no fair. Double teaming.
CORNELL
Ahh! It’s working. We can go know. Are you ready?
DAISY
Just about, we need a minute.
CORNELL
Good.
Cornell picks up all his stuff run out the door.
BART
All right I’ll go, but I’m not giving up that statue.
DAISY
BART JAMES REYOLNDS!
Daisy gives him the look.
BART
Okay, I’ll give it to Cornell.
DAISY
Good, I’m glad you can see it my way. Because I’m looking forward to unleashing the tiger of Eupradies tonight.
BART
I can’t wait.
CORNELL
Are you guys coming?
DAISY
Yes, let’s go.
BART
Yes, dear.
Bart and Daisy start walking out the bar.
CORNELL
Good. Ellen I’ll be back next week to tell you everything that happened.
ELLEN
Oh boy!
They leave the bar.
The END.
Curtains fall
Black out.
ELLEN brings the beer to Bart and holds up. When she sees Cornell.
ELLEN
Here you go. Daisy the Desert Rose will be up in a minute...Oh Boy! Here we go again.
BART
Does this guy have a job?
ELLEN
He comes into my bar every week spouting off his latest UFO theory, quoteing shakespheare. And working on his spectalizer. And all he ever orders is a coke with a shot of cherry in it.
BART
That drink calls for an ass whooping.
As Bart starts to get up. Daisy pulls him to the table.
DAISY
You’ll do no such thing Bart James Reynolds, now take a look at this.
Daisy hands him a photograph. Bart looks at it for a second.
BART
They look like some street lights.
CORNELL
These are no street lights, they are the lights of UFO seen by me, my sister and my cousin. On the Texas Pan Handle in August of 1982.
DAISY
Really?
BART
Does this guy have a day job?
ELLEN
He’s a college professor. Cornell, do you have anything new this week?
CORNELL
Thanks for reminding me. Can you two help me out.My spectalizer is not working and I need of parts before we can go UFO hunting tonight at....
DAISY
Actually, we can. We got this piece of trash that we are getting rid of very soon. You can have it.
BART
DAISY! I’m not going to give that up.
Daisy just looks at him. He knows he’s not going to win this agrument. But he’s not going down with out a fight.
CORNELL
Good, I’ll take it. Keeping the spectalizer running takes tremoudous resources.
BART
I’m not giving this up!
DAISY
Yes your are.
Cornell starts to search through all of his bags.
BART
What he is doing?
ELLEN
Uh..oh..I think he’s looking for the map.
BART
The map?
ELLEN
Yeah, when the spectalizer isn’t working he studies his map with all of the UFO occurrences in a three hundred mile radius.
CORNELL
There it is! I found it!
He pulls out a giant map and spreads it all over a table.
CORNELL
Daisy, do you and Bart want to come with me tonight and check out the lights that were reported by house springs?
DAISY
We would love to, Bart do you want to?
BART
Umm sure...What’s going on?
DAISY
Were going UFO hunting at house springs.
BART
Hold on, we’re doing what?
DAISY
Going UFO hunting at House Springs.
BART
No were not. You can look for all the UFO’s tonight tell your heart is content. But I’m not going.
DAISY
(Slighty seductively)
Bart.
CORNELL
Thanks for reminding me, there is something I need to check.
Cornell pulls out a suped cell phone with plenty of bells and whistle and proceeds to check his messages.
BART
Daisy, they is no way in hell that I’m going ufo hunting with that wacko.
DAISY
You know for once we could do something I want to. Instead doing what you want to everynight.
BART
What’s wrong with the usual?
DAISY
You mean, while you’ll sit around, drink beer and watch some game. While I do ALL the house work. While your mind is on one thing. Fucking me!
BART
What’s wrong with fucking?
DAISY
Nothing, but you’ll have much better success of getting me in bed if we’d actually did something something exciting for a change.
ELLEN
She does have a point.
CORNELL
Is it not strange that desire should outlive peformance.
ELLEN
(Giving him the look)
You’ll keep twelfth knight out of this.
Cornell goes back to his backpack.
BART
Daisy, we do stuff that you want to do all the time.
DAISY
Yeah like once every blue moon, when we go to my mothers.
CORNELL
The next blue moon will happen in 2048.
BART
Don’t bring up that visit to your mothers again.
DAISY
It was Christmas. You know the day the savior of the world was born. If we didn’t go home we’d be crucified.
BART
It’s my fault for this, It’s my fault for that. Is it ever not my fault?
ELLEN
TIME OUT! I Don’t know what’s worse, Cornell quoteing shakespheare with his half baked theories or a bunch of so called adults acting like bunch of immature second graders.
ELLEN
I don’t care what grade you are. Listen up here’s my deal take it or leave it.
BART
What’s the deal?
ELLEN
Good so you actually listen. Which is something you two need to do a lot more of. Now Bart go ask Cornell about the spectalizer.
BART
Do i have...
ELLEN
Yes.
Bart sulks over to Cornell and hesisites while both Ellen and Daisy give him the evil eye.
BART
Cornell, what does specatalizer do?
CORNELL
I’m so glad you asked. The specatlalizer is on the greatest innventions ever. It has 585 different functions and capilites to detect the presense of aliens.
BART
Uhh okay. What does that mean in english?
CORNELL
It picks all types of radio and tv waves. Including classifed secret goverment broadcasts. But it’s broke right now.
BART
Can it pick up Nascar races?
CORNELL
And much more. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
BART
Really, I might be able to help. What’s wrong with it?
CORNELL
I haven’t been able to get anything to come out of it for a while.
BART
I see what I can do.
Bart and Cornell start to work on the Spectalizer and quickly become engrossed in it.
ELLEN
Works every time. Just get him going on the machine and the nights over.
DAISY
You’ll really like him don’t you?
ELLEN
(Smiles)
Yes I do. But don’t tell anybody else.
DAISY
I promise I won’t.
ELLEN
You two have only been married for about a year? Right?
DAISY
Yeah, how did you know?
ELLEN
Two reasons. I’m a bartender and I am women.
DAISY
Gotcha.
ELLEN
This marriage thing is not everything you thought it would be?
DAISY
Yeah for the six months lately it was great. And now it’s pulling teeth.
ELLEN
When was the last time you had a good talk?
Daisy doesn’t say anything as she tries to remember.
ELLEN
That’s what I thought. How long since you have had a date with him?
DAISY
About eight months.
ELLEN
Way too long.You need to have a date night at least a week. I think I got perfect thing to start you off. I can get you tickets for Chicago for tomorrow night and dinner for both of you at Cornardo’s.
DAISY
You not serious?
ELLEN
Yes I am.
DAISY
Sweet. Do you know how hard it is to get in that place.
ELLEN
I do. The excutive chef owes me big time. And besides this is the least I can do for sending you with Cornell tonight.
DAISY
It won’t be any problem. It’ll be fun.
ELLEN
Well see what you say afterwards. Bart!
No answer, because they are engrossed in the specatlizer.
ELLEN
BART!
Bart looks up and turns to the bar.
ELLEN
Come over here.
Bart puts down his tools and moves towards the bar.
ELLEN
I got a deal for you.
BART
Okay what is it.
ELLEN
I’ll let Daisy explain.
DAISY
What are a plans tomorrow?
BART
Nothing...maybe watching a game.
DAISY
Wrong. We got plans.
BART
What type of plans?
DAISY
Dinner plans. Tomorrow we are going to dinning at Cornardo’s and then we are going see Chicago and have a wail of a time... And oh yeah...we’re going ufo hunting with Cornell tonight.
BART
That’s crazy! How did this happen??
DAISY
(smiles)
I have connections.
BART
There is no way I’m going to hang out with some wacko and then go to some boring play. I don’t care if it’s Hamlet or not.
CORNELL
How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a nuaghty world.
DAISY
Do you want to get laid tonight?
BART
Hell Yeah!
DAISY
Good. You’ll be giving that trash to cornell to help him with his spectalizer.
BART
That piece of art work won’t help the spectalizer. It needs some serious work on it.
DAISY
Good then you can help Cornell with it.
CORNELL
If you are going to get rid of trash. I’ll take it.
They ignore him.
DAISY
Either you give it to him, or that so called piece art will be going in the trash as soon we get home. Or if you don’t like that option you can spend the next couple of nights alone one the couch. Or you can come with your wife and enjoy her company for a couple of nights on the town with nothing holding us back from making passionate love tonight. It’s your choice Bart.
BART
DAISY MARIE BERCHTOLD!
CORNELL
It works!!! It works!!!
BART
What did you do?
CORNELL
The twelfth gear shift ratio lever was out of an alignment. I slammed it back in. Now we head to House springs.
BART
Where’s house springs?
ELLEN
About two hours away.
BART
Your not serious.
DAISY
Yes. This is going to be a night to remember.
BART
In more ways than one.
CORNELL
Tracking UFO’s is a dangerous bussiness. With this baby we have the upper hand on all of those wanta be, second rate, weekend UFO chasers that don’t know how to figure out the differance between swamp gas and street lights.
ELLEN
Cornell are you going somewhere tonight?
CORNELL
To House springs. Are you coming with me tonight Ellen?
ELLEN
No thanks, I’ll have to...I need to do some bookwork tonight. But Dasiy and Bart would love to go with you.
BART
No We’re...
DAISY
Just gathering our stuff so we can come with you tonight. Right Bart?
BART
Yes Dear.
CORNELL
Good, with your help I might actually be able to get undeiable proof that UFO’s exist.
DAISY
What happens if we don’t find anything tonight?
CORNELL
We go out tomorrow. Ellen are you going to come with me tomorrow?
ELLEN
I got to check the schedule in the next couple of days.
CORNELL
Okay, I’ll be back to check in. Bart and Daisy are you coming tomorrow.
BART
We are going to see Chicago tomorrow.
CORNELL
A mighty fine choice. You will not be dissapointed in Chicago. Though it’s not the same as Hamlet. Now it’s settled. Tonight with the spectalizer we will get proof that UFO’s exist!
Cornell starts to make adjustments and pushes some buttons on the spectalizer.
BART
What have you gotten us into?
DAISY
Something very fun tonight.
BART
Daisy...
ELLEN
Bart for the sake of your marriage. Go with her.
BART
It’s no fair. Double teaming.
CORNELL
Ahh! It’s working. We can go know. Are you ready?
DAISY
Just about, we need a minute.
CORNELL
Good.
Cornell picks up all his stuff run out the door.
BART
All right I’ll go, but I’m not giving up that statue.
DAISY
BART JAMES REYOLNDS!
Daisy gives him the look.
BART
Okay, I’ll give it to Cornell.
DAISY
Good, I’m glad you can see it my way. Because I’m looking forward to unleashing the tiger of Eupradies tonight.
BART
I can’t wait.
CORNELL
Are you guys coming?
DAISY
Yes, let’s go.
BART
Yes, dear.
Bart and Daisy start walking out the bar.
CORNELL
Good. Ellen I’ll be back next week to tell you everything that happened.
ELLEN
Oh boy!
They leave the bar.
The END.
Curtains fall
Black out.
posted by UrbanShocker7 @ 10:14 PM
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